Day 2 in the Burgess Hill House . . .
According to the careful list left by Mother today Oldest Child is to attend college in the afternoon and Youngest Child is to attend school as normal. Oldest Child requires £8 train fare and Youngest Child £2 for lunch. Ok, pretty straight forward, only Youngest Child stayed with a friend and having lost my purse I have no change so Oldest Child gets £20. Not likely that I'll see change from that. Amazing that in such a short time I am £2 up and then £12 down.
I can't complain though; so far they’ve been very good. No one has sworn too profusely, no one has thrown food and physically attacked anyone. The worst things I have discovered are that Oldest Child hoards disgusting crockery in her bedroom and that Youngest Child smokes. Not too bad.
I have also learnt a very valuable lesson – rejection. No matter how much you look forward to going home and getting the school report and making carbonara and playing happy families teenager girls will want to do things involving drinking, boys and bus shelters that no one over the age of 17 can remember their motivation for. I guess for a real mother it’s a very difficult transition.
Anyway, on the plus side tomorrow we are attending the cinema and getting a takeaway. So long as no inticing bus shelters or bottles of cider intervene.
Not much to report on the house as I haven’t been there for a few nights. Cats are well. Paul has become very house proud and is apparently having a “Boys Night” on Saturday . . . I asked if porn was going to be involved and he said no, but I know that strange things happen at these gatherings.
Your Dad has left and today is Simon’s birthday. Happy Birthday to him if you speak to him which I’m sure you will.
Crisis talks with G. continue. It seems that our communication problems are deeper than first anticipated and that no matter how many times I say “It’s not good enough” he still hears “It’s ok I’ll get used to it.” Distance is the best thing at the moment. I have cancelled my attendance to the family dinner on Sunday as I cannot stomach pretending to be happy when I am so bitter with disappointment.
Although this quote has given me reason to think:
“We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.”
How much of what disappoints me is born of my own inability to accept that you cannot control others? Maybe a lot. But, the questions that perplexes me most is, what do I do then? Accept that nothing will ever be perfect or fight on to find something close?
His first interview for the Qatar job was a success and he has gone through to the second round.
It is nearly six weeks since you've left and that is longer than you were on the Tall Ships race and trekking back though Eastern Europe.
It is very odd that you are still away. I am not quite used to the idea that you will be away for a long time yet.
Missing you.
