This year I have not really considered what I should resolve to do. This is mostly to do with the fact that I haven’t got a clue what I want. I feel like last year lived me and not the other way round and maybe I need to recover from that?
Too many things happened last year for it to have been a ‘normal’ year. So many traumas and changes. Maybe all I am feeling is a sense of apprehension – 2009 might be meaner; it will definitely be leaner whatever happens. The newspapers have been full of terrible predictions about the state of the world in 2009.
What shall I do about the state of my world?
The usual perhaps? Promise myself to get thinner and fitter. To be more assertive, to back down less? Maybe I should get the things I want and focus on the material. I’d like a tailor made suit and a new car. Instead I might be forced to love the things I have more and worry about where I’m going to live and how much it will cost me to get o work. I should probably clear out. New Year - new start. Get rid of those clothes. Sell those things I am never going to need/use on eBay. One man’s junk and all that.
I could take up old habits – have piano lessons, join a choir? I could expand new horizons; Indian Head massage, creative writing. Remember those lesbian potters? They were on to something.
What about travel? I want to see you so badly and I miss you so much, especially on your birthday. I still really want to go to India. Can we arrange to meet there? When you’re done with Oz? A month in Goa?
I still think sometimes that there are people out there who have this stuff sorted. That some people know exactly what they want and somehow have obtained inner peace. Who are those people and how the hell did they do that? Do I have to stay in isolation of the Orkney Isles to achieve such dizzy height of self-enlightenment?
Do I look forward to my future? Do I still believe I’ll be dead by thirty and that if I don’t die then I’ll end up with cats instead of kids and too many cardigans? Cardigans aren’t so bad are they?
