What is it about family? Or, maybe it would fairer to say, what is it about my family?
I often worry that I like other peoples' families a lot more.
I have spent more than a few hours today getting myself into a major funk over my nearest and dearest. I have been in Devon 21 hours.
I think I am a little out of control.
I guess that the dispute over where I'm spending Christmas isn't really helping but that can't be blamed on anyone but Gerard and he's not here to hear it so never mind.
I don't know that I will ever get over being the eldest child. Forging that path; being the first one to break a bone, have a drink, get caught smoking, swear at your parents, get a double bed, move out etc. That's hard work you know. Younger siblings will never understand how much they got away with because someone came before and did it already and made it so, so much easier on the second time round. A little appreciation for my ground work wouldn't go a miss you know.
But there you have it. The truth is that I have no right to expect that from anyone and even if it was acknowledged so what? I wouldn't gain anything or be any better off. It's not as if the younger child doesn't have his or her share of unique and equally frustrating crosses to bear. Always coming second, being the butt of all the jokes, getting locked in wardrobes, never getting to ride in the front, the never-ending comparisons, the older siblings friends, not being able to join in with that brother or sister because you're too young, being left behind when they move out, the hand me downs. Tough life.
If Christmas teaches me anything this year I hope it is tolerance.
I am patient. I can be kind. I have been known to do things I didn't want to just to keep the peace, but tolerant I am not. Not of the adverts on television, not of traffic wardens, not of my family and their very lovable annoyances and especially not of the chips on their shoulders.
But I do have an almost totally intact family, although they are disparate and I don't think I am as grateful for that as I should be.
When I go to church this Christmas Eve I will pray for them and for you and yours. If you're only going to do it once a year - make it count!
