So much has transpired since my last blog. It’s that fantastic season where so many things do happen. Most of the year I don’t do anything! This weekend I have managed to cram in works drinks and dinner, a trip to London to see lovely Jeni and visit St. Paul’s and a day out to Hever Castle!
Really there should be a ‘Other People’s Children Part II’ (this time it’s personal) Because it was personal. To sum it up very quickly . . . Youngest Child did not go to school on the Monday and so Oldest Child and I could not go into Brighton in the evening to enjoy the delights of the pier. Oldest Child did not go to college on the Friday and so, really, was also in trouble. As much as any one else’s kid can be in trouble with someone who is not its parent (or legal guardian) and has no authority. Where is that line? Anyone know? It is a tangled web.
Anyway, on the last day of child sitting my mother came to see me – the children were left alone on their last night and seemed ok. They went to school the following morning and I cleaned house and left to take my mother to the airport thinking all was well. That evening, alone at home with a bottle of wine (such a relief after a week of no alone time and no drinking) their mother (not mine) rings me in tears explaining that thy have attacked one another and that blood has been drawn. Youngest Child tried to kick Oldest Child down the stairs and Oldest Child responded by kicking her in the face (accidently) and splitting her lip.
Shocked was I. Although it does beg the question . . . what the hell did I do to them?
Since then it seems that things have settled down and all the Christmas decorations are up and the maybe-we’ll-all-make-it-through-this-without-killing-each-other smiles are firmly in place. Ahhh, families at Christmas! Not that I’ll see mine this year so it will be an interesting experiment in other people’s families at Christmas!
Then there should probably be a ‘My Boyfriend Is Moving to the Middle East’ update. He is not. He did not get that job. And, although I have always known myself to be emotionally imbalanced, I did feel genuine regret/sadness for him and think that given that this is the millionth knock back that he’s doing very well. We had a lovely weekend together so my opinion is slightly weighted at the moment.
I would like to mention at this point that it is my Christmas party next week and that even if there are stacks of glamorous helium balloons this year that I have no one to drunkenly bring them home to. And that it still feels like not so long ago that we went to France and that actually it’s a whole year. Those lovely Kays catalogue shots . . . whatever did become of them?
I have a meeting in London this afternoon and then hopefully I’ll get home early enough to clean the bathroom and the kitchen and force myself to the gym. Although going to the gym is not working out well for me at the moment. I just can’t motivate my arse off the sofa. And it’s becoming a sizable arse these days! One of G’s friends has been quoted as saying “Hasn’t she filled out?” Need I say more?!
Loving you long time. Wishing I hadn’t left my car parked on the park – bloody traffic wardens (and Australian towing people) should all be shot. Hoping you find the Christmas spirit soon. Missing you like hell. x
8 December 2008
21 November 2008
Somebody Else's Children . . .
Day 2 in the Burgess Hill House . . .
According to the careful list left by Mother today Oldest Child is to attend college in the afternoon and Youngest Child is to attend school as normal. Oldest Child requires £8 train fare and Youngest Child £2 for lunch. Ok, pretty straight forward, only Youngest Child stayed with a friend and having lost my purse I have no change so Oldest Child gets £20. Not likely that I'll see change from that. Amazing that in such a short time I am £2 up and then £12 down.
I can't complain though; so far they’ve been very good. No one has sworn too profusely, no one has thrown food and physically attacked anyone. The worst things I have discovered are that Oldest Child hoards disgusting crockery in her bedroom and that Youngest Child smokes. Not too bad.
I have also learnt a very valuable lesson – rejection. No matter how much you look forward to going home and getting the school report and making carbonara and playing happy families teenager girls will want to do things involving drinking, boys and bus shelters that no one over the age of 17 can remember their motivation for. I guess for a real mother it’s a very difficult transition.
Anyway, on the plus side tomorrow we are attending the cinema and getting a takeaway. So long as no inticing bus shelters or bottles of cider intervene.
Not much to report on the house as I haven’t been there for a few nights. Cats are well. Paul has become very house proud and is apparently having a “Boys Night” on Saturday . . . I asked if porn was going to be involved and he said no, but I know that strange things happen at these gatherings.
Your Dad has left and today is Simon’s birthday. Happy Birthday to him if you speak to him which I’m sure you will.
Crisis talks with G. continue. It seems that our communication problems are deeper than first anticipated and that no matter how many times I say “It’s not good enough” he still hears “It’s ok I’ll get used to it.” Distance is the best thing at the moment. I have cancelled my attendance to the family dinner on Sunday as I cannot stomach pretending to be happy when I am so bitter with disappointment.
Although this quote has given me reason to think:
“We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.”
How much of what disappoints me is born of my own inability to accept that you cannot control others? Maybe a lot. But, the questions that perplexes me most is, what do I do then? Accept that nothing will ever be perfect or fight on to find something close?
His first interview for the Qatar job was a success and he has gone through to the second round.
It is nearly six weeks since you've left and that is longer than you were on the Tall Ships race and trekking back though Eastern Europe.
It is very odd that you are still away. I am not quite used to the idea that you will be away for a long time yet.
Missing you.
According to the careful list left by Mother today Oldest Child is to attend college in the afternoon and Youngest Child is to attend school as normal. Oldest Child requires £8 train fare and Youngest Child £2 for lunch. Ok, pretty straight forward, only Youngest Child stayed with a friend and having lost my purse I have no change so Oldest Child gets £20. Not likely that I'll see change from that. Amazing that in such a short time I am £2 up and then £12 down.
I can't complain though; so far they’ve been very good. No one has sworn too profusely, no one has thrown food and physically attacked anyone. The worst things I have discovered are that Oldest Child hoards disgusting crockery in her bedroom and that Youngest Child smokes. Not too bad.
I have also learnt a very valuable lesson – rejection. No matter how much you look forward to going home and getting the school report and making carbonara and playing happy families teenager girls will want to do things involving drinking, boys and bus shelters that no one over the age of 17 can remember their motivation for. I guess for a real mother it’s a very difficult transition.
Anyway, on the plus side tomorrow we are attending the cinema and getting a takeaway. So long as no inticing bus shelters or bottles of cider intervene.
Not much to report on the house as I haven’t been there for a few nights. Cats are well. Paul has become very house proud and is apparently having a “Boys Night” on Saturday . . . I asked if porn was going to be involved and he said no, but I know that strange things happen at these gatherings.
Your Dad has left and today is Simon’s birthday. Happy Birthday to him if you speak to him which I’m sure you will.
Crisis talks with G. continue. It seems that our communication problems are deeper than first anticipated and that no matter how many times I say “It’s not good enough” he still hears “It’s ok I’ll get used to it.” Distance is the best thing at the moment. I have cancelled my attendance to the family dinner on Sunday as I cannot stomach pretending to be happy when I am so bitter with disappointment.
Although this quote has given me reason to think:
“We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.”
How much of what disappoints me is born of my own inability to accept that you cannot control others? Maybe a lot. But, the questions that perplexes me most is, what do I do then? Accept that nothing will ever be perfect or fight on to find something close?
His first interview for the Qatar job was a success and he has gone through to the second round.
It is nearly six weeks since you've left and that is longer than you were on the Tall Ships race and trekking back though Eastern Europe.
It is very odd that you are still away. I am not quite used to the idea that you will be away for a long time yet.
Missing you.
14 November 2008
Last night I got home to three bits of post from you! One of which is that gorgeous photo that made me remember how warm it was in Morocco and what a lovely place we stayed. I have pinned it to my desk and it makes me smile too.
It’s been a quiet week really. I saw Katie on Wednesday night and she made lamb tagine. I had Henry and Natalie over for dinner last night to eat steak and watched some of Godzilla with Paul. He made a very tasty banana and carrot cake and we had some apple and blackberry pie from Waitrose.
Tonic had lots and lots of love from Natalie and is looking very well and the moment. Steve needs her very expensive booster injection. Might have to take her to the vet in December. Nice Christmas present for her!!
I’ve been thinking a lot about how much has changed and how much more is going to change. I don’t like change very much. I guess I’m one of those people who is bored by routine, pretends to be spontaneous and then abhors change and is vicious towards anything that disrupts the routine I made while no one was looking. Being a control freak can be exhausting.
I feel quite isolated at the moment. Plenty of people around to play with but it’s just not quite the same. I very much need my own kind and it’s a bit like being ship-wrecked at the moment. I have written a poem – nothing special, but it came to me after reading Rapture by Carol Ann Duffy again.
Sometimes I wish I lived in the Jane Austen Book Club. Sometimes I wish I lived in Mary Poppins. Mostly I’m glad I don’t live in Apocalypse Now.
Poem
If you are a sailor,
then I am a boat.
If I am a castle,
then you are my moat.
If you had a party
I’d rain on the parade
If this is my future,
then I am afraid.
If you were a wheel
then I’d be the spokes
You deliver the punch line
but I am the joke.
It’s been a quiet week really. I saw Katie on Wednesday night and she made lamb tagine. I had Henry and Natalie over for dinner last night to eat steak and watched some of Godzilla with Paul. He made a very tasty banana and carrot cake and we had some apple and blackberry pie from Waitrose.
Tonic had lots and lots of love from Natalie and is looking very well and the moment. Steve needs her very expensive booster injection. Might have to take her to the vet in December. Nice Christmas present for her!!
I’ve been thinking a lot about how much has changed and how much more is going to change. I don’t like change very much. I guess I’m one of those people who is bored by routine, pretends to be spontaneous and then abhors change and is vicious towards anything that disrupts the routine I made while no one was looking. Being a control freak can be exhausting.
I feel quite isolated at the moment. Plenty of people around to play with but it’s just not quite the same. I very much need my own kind and it’s a bit like being ship-wrecked at the moment. I have written a poem – nothing special, but it came to me after reading Rapture by Carol Ann Duffy again.
Sometimes I wish I lived in the Jane Austen Book Club. Sometimes I wish I lived in Mary Poppins. Mostly I’m glad I don’t live in Apocalypse Now.
Poem
If you are a sailor,
then I am a boat.
If I am a castle,
then you are my moat.
If you had a party
I’d rain on the parade
If this is my future,
then I am afraid.
If you were a wheel
then I’d be the spokes
You deliver the punch line
but I am the joke.
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